I am very accustomed to staying indoors. It doesn't feel weird if I don't see a speck of sunlight or feel the breeze outside. Yet when I'm not focused on sleeping, eating, or working/playing on the computer, I start thinking how I am like a caged bird that is accustomed to my surroundings. I know there could be better things out there, but I feel like my necessities are taken care of. Food, shelter, comfort... yet there is this sadness that appears when I realize how much I like to isolate myself.
There aren't many people who I enjoy talking with and it is hard for me to enjoy the company of people who don't share the same depth of interest in my hobbies. It's not that I hate people, but I hate feeling uncomfortable around people when I feel I make them uncomfortable (oh shoot, an endless cycle?).
Yet I have this urge to make a difference in the world. I want to be able to let others know the glory and wonder and magnificence of God. I want to make software that helps people learn or makes their lives more convenient. I want to be someone who makes an impact in this world... but still be able to have my own small world of isolation.
I'm a little disturbed by this, because there is so much action I should take and there is so much more I need to learn AND do. I really don't want to be a hypocrite to my students and I'm tired of being complacent... yet I cannot truthfully say "I do not want to sit around and do nothing."
So today will be a day of reading God's Word and praising. I need to get stronger and break from this cocoon I'm in, for only relying on God's power can truly change my stubbornness.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
It's been a long time since I've been to China. I miss all the people I've met and all the things that I've learned. I looked through all the cards and letters I've received and remembered how much I miss sharing my testimonies and hearing the testimonies of others.
I still long for the time when I can come back and be active. To connect with fellow brothers and sisters and share encouragements. I pray that I can meet up with everyone I've befriended in China, because my life has been changed by each and every person I've met. Thank you.
If I ever get the chance to go back, I would love to go to Hong Kong or Guangzhou, since I still have an easier time communicating in Cantonese, but I would not pass up the chance to visit Beijing or Harbin. I have met some of the most awesome people there and it wouldn't feel right if I did not get to visit.
May our Father bless us with a chance to reunite,