Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Accustomed

I am very accustomed to staying indoors.  It doesn't feel weird if I don't see a speck of sunlight or feel the breeze outside.  Yet when I'm not focused on sleeping, eating, or working/playing on the computer, I start thinking how I am like a caged bird that is accustomed to my surroundings.  I know there could be better things out there, but I feel like my necessities are taken care of.  Food, shelter, comfort... yet there is this sadness that appears when I realize how much I like to isolate myself.

There aren't many people who I enjoy talking with and it is hard for me to enjoy the company of people who don't share the same depth of interest in my hobbies.  It's not that I hate people, but I hate feeling uncomfortable around people when I feel I make them uncomfortable (oh shoot, an endless cycle?).

Yet I have this urge to make a difference in the world.  I want to be able to let others know the glory and wonder and magnificence of God.  I want to make software that helps people learn or makes their lives more convenient.  I want to be someone who makes an impact in this world... but still be able to have my own small world of isolation.

I'm a little disturbed by this, because there is so much action I should take and there is so much more I need to learn AND do.  I really don't want to be a hypocrite to my students and I'm tired of being complacent... yet I cannot truthfully say "I do not want to sit around and do nothing."

So today will be a day of reading God's Word and praising.  I need to get stronger and break from this cocoon I'm in, for only relying on God's power can truly change my stubbornness.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Reminiscing: China

It's been a long time since I've been to China.  I miss all the people I've met and all the things that I've learned.  I looked through all the cards and letters I've received and remembered how much I miss sharing my testimonies and hearing the testimonies of others.
I still long for the time when I can come back and be active.  To connect with fellow brothers and sisters and share encouragements.  I pray that I can meet up with everyone I've befriended in China, because my life has been changed by each and every person I've met.  Thank you.
If I ever get the chance to go back, I would love to go to Hong Kong or Guangzhou, since I still have an easier time communicating in Cantonese, but I would not pass up the chance to visit Beijing or Harbin.  I have met some of the most awesome people there and it wouldn't feel right if I did not get to visit.
May our Father bless us with a chance to reunite,
Jv Chen